We Boxers are a highly intelligent breed, so it should come as no surprise that we engaged in quite a bit of introspective thinking during the holiday season. We spent much of our time reflecting, soul searching and, of course, reading all of the latest self-help books, and we've come to the conclusion that we might not be as perfect as we once thought. Yes, it is shocking, we know, but the cold, hard truth is that there is always room for improvement, even in the best of all dogs. So, we have decided that this human ritual of beginning each new year with a new set of lofty, unrealistic and often ill-fated goals just might be beneficial to us as well…and who knows, we may even have a higher success rate than the average two-legged does (which, as we've come to learn, really isn't that grand a standard). Alas, we put our collective heads together and came up our very own list of resolutions for 2009…

This year, we resolve to NOT…

• Dismantle our brand new toys within 5 minutes of getting them.
• Pull the cords out of all the hooded sweatshirts in our houses.
• Chew window blinds, sills, door frames or any other such household item that doesn't belong to us or would otherwise cause property values to decrease.
• Lay crossways on the bed.
• Snore louder than the two-leggeds.
• Grab the roll of toilet paper and run with it around the house, just when it is needed most.
• Drool when we see food, or smell food, or even think about food. Or send said drool flying when we shake our heads vigorously and without regard for anyone around us.
• Pull out the garbage and sample it.
• Play tug 'o war with our fathers' good socks, or bring our mothers' underwear out to show the house guests.
• Chew up sprinklers, dig or dismember plant materials in the backyard.
• Try to actually drive the car when we go for rides.
• Use furniture or clothing as a napkin.
• Countersurf.
• Bodyslam the back door when we've finished doing our business.
• Lick ourselves, each other and everyone else excessively.

And this year, we resolve to…

• Lose the nicknames “Bad Dog” and “Dammit”
• Understand that even though cats and tiny furball dogs squeak and are more fun than you can possibly imagine, they are not toys.
• Wipe our muddy feet before running across the floor and jumping on the furniture or planting them firmly on our parents' clean dress clothes.
• Take our families for a leisurely walk every day, instead of dragging them around at the speed of sound.
• Remember that not everyone wants a 70 pound lapdog (admittedly, this one is very difficult for us to comprehend).
• Become dainty and delicate water drinkers who never spill a drop on the floor, the walls or the cabinetry.
• Wait patiently while we get our baths, never shaking, jumping out of the tub or running through the house dripping wet.
• Accept responsibility for our flatulence instead of pleading ignorance and passing it off as someone else's.

And last, but certainly not least, we resolve to help ease the strain on our country's mental health system by laying quietly in our crates when our antics have threatened to push our families over the edge.

Happy New Year Everyone!